xanthan gum

The endings leaves me a bit wanting, but the whole of it was amazing. Everything you write reminds me of chemistry class and surrealism. Captalize proper names, lovey, and we'll ...

Very sensual, but not much of a moving point. The clarinet produces a beautiful sound, and I think you could express it better. Give it more suspence, Snoikums.

This is quaint, but a bit redundant. I could make the same point in two or three lines. This could be so much better if you expanded it behind rhymes ...

Don't force rhyme, expand rhyming styles. Does this have a Poe influence?

the yellow-sickly pulp. These adjectives don't go with the mood. Nothing useless left - you're too good.

Yeah, so basically you're sort of hysterical.

You have a wonderful reason to write. I think if you stay at this sight for a bit longer, you will soon develop a lot of writing skills. I encourage ...

Overuse of the word ...erm..."word"

I felt this situation, so I'm going to be all lax all on you. Basically, I love this writing style from you and I loved this poem. I mean, don't ...

This sounds more like song lyrics than anything. It would sound prettier with a melody. I agree with DD.

Colon. Why does it end in a colon?

My neck- wet with sweat. It would fit with the rhythm more, actually, to say "My neck is wet with sweat". There is no definite ending to this. I wish ...

A lot of parts are redundant and the rhyming is a bit forced. Work on this, first.

Yes, I am bumping. The shame.

Thank you, Chevy. =]